The importance of being FIRST!

There’s a Chinese saying “Man who stands on hill waits a long time for a roasted Peking duck to fly into his mouth”

Point being if you want something like that you gotta get out and go and find it.

I read recently about being first.

This is a concept whereby you don’t wait to be asked or suggest. You just ‘be first’

For me this is a cool concept – it means you’ll be first to complement, to kiss, to cuddle your loved ones.

First to offer help.

First to smile, suggest a solution, volunteer your help – first to serve and last to eat.

First to praise and snuggle. Suggest a date night, book a weekend away – to do something different and fun. As long as you have some cash to do so. Otherwise you can do a budget date night…..

To do this you need a high level of self-awareness and empathy.

Tip: If people are saying sorry a lot around you it maybe they are getting everything wrong all the time or it may be that you are looking and focussing too much on the self.

If you are saying sorry a lot, for everything, even stuff you are not sorry for, then the people around you are probably lacking self-awareness.

If you are trying to influence the people around you and getting nowhere, thinking you know what they think, then follow the 1st step in influencing people. Ask how are they feeling about, everything. Plus the key factor, how are they feeling about your behaviour.

Go ahead be first today.  Put someone else – put everyone else first today. Right now.

If you are not being first then you’re either waiting for someone else to make decisions about your life or you are not being proactive in your endeavours to improve yourself and the situations around you.

Lacking some spice in the bedroom… it’ll be a long time till a roasted peaking duck will fly into your mouth f you are standing on a hill.

If this is to be reciprocated, you have to have both gratitude and also self-awareness.

Otherwise, you may only see what you are doing and what you are missing. Rather than everything your partner is doing and everything your partner might be missing……

If you offer a lot, say thanks a lot – never get thanked for anything you do. Then get asked, why do you never thank me? Then you have a situation where someone lacks self-awareness.

Don’t be the last person in the room to realise you are being an arsehole.

On this note one of the companies, I work with has a great mood tool, which is excellent to help folks self-reflect. If you work with me one on one, it’s something I use daily. As it offers, self-reflective biofeedback. Awesomeness.

I was reminded about this via a recent delve into Stoic Philosophy

2,000 years ago, Musonius gave a lecture entitled “What is the chief end of marriage?”

Here’s what he had to say: “In marriage, there must be, above all, companionship and care of husband and wife for each other, both in sickness and in health and on every occasion. Each party entering into a marriage desires this, after all, just as they desire children. When this mutual care is complete and those who live together provide it to each other completely, each competes to surpass the other in giving such care. Such a marriage is admirable and deserves emulation; such a partnership is beautiful.”


If you don’t act like you want to be acted upon then what chance do you have to get what you deserve?

You’ll remember if you read my blogs regularly that this isn’t just important for relationships, it’s also important for health and optimum immune system function.